The term "life after divorce" is often viewed as an oxymoron by those who are experiencing the situation firsthand. It is incredibly easy to say that life does go on, and that things will get better, especially when it isn't actually happening to you. However, unbelievable as it may seem right now, there really can be life after divorce, but only if you choose to live one.

Since you are the only one who can control not only your emotions, but also your reactions to those emotions, you know that you have the choice between living for the now and for the benefit of your future, or staying fixated on things you cannot change. Staying mired in the past, allowing it to dictate the rest of your life not only makes little sense, but also does yourself a great disservice.

Your bank accounts have all been changed. You've found a new place to live. So now what? A huge pat of yourself and your identity has been wrapped up in being someone else's significant other. Now that you're on your own, who and what are you supposed to be? Many newly divorced people feel this sense of loss of self at first.

This all too common trap keeps people in a perpetual state of not being able to move forward or get on with their life. Losing one's sense of identity is perhaps one of the worst things in terms of self-esteem issues, personal growth and development, and also for overcoming the devastation that often accompanies divorce.

Many newly single people find counseling and therapy very helpful in the process of rebuilding a new life. Another good way to start fresh is to immerse oneself in new activities, hobbies, and groups. Put some distance between your old married self and your new single self. Discover a new talent or passion, or rediscover one you may have had to set aside over the years.

Thanks to the internet, the dating scene will never again be the same. Website, forums, chat rooms and dating services have spawned countless happy unions. They allow time to really focus on someone's personality before the physical aspect of a relationship becomes a complicating factor. The more casual atmosphere to be found in online dating is helpful for newly divorced people, since jumping straight into a serious relationship soon after ending one is an invitation for disaster.

There are also groups devoted entirely to divorced parents, where both parents and children can hang out and mingle. This can be a good idea for children who are having a very difficult time with their parents' split as it gives them opportunity to meet others going through the same thing. You shouldn't have to look far to find events in your community geared toward singles-they take place in libraries, book stores, bars, and social halls.

Never look to another person to replace someone else, or to be the controller of your happiness or destiny. You are the only who is capable of making yourself truly happy, and expecting that from someone else is not only unfair to them, but also unrealistic.

Brent Crouch is the owner of AdulteryDivorce.net. He has dedicated this site to sharing advice on divorce and the best methods for getting a cheap divorce.