good way to show your date that you are listening carefully to him or her is to repeat what he or she has said. Say for example your partner tells you: “You have been very distant lately,” you then say, “So you are saying I have been distant?” Follow up with an open ended question like “Tell me more about what you mean.” By saying that, you can verify what your spouse has said and make him or her feel comfortable about talking to you about his or her concern.
How you communicate with your words could bring comfort by reducing fear and easing tension. The following are some guiding principles to help you take advantage of your words and get your point across more effectively:
Do make the person you are talking to feel secure by offering a lot of support and appreciation. This gets the silent types to open up more and feel at ease.
Don't make your date feel uncomfortable by judging, criticizing, or making fun of what he or she has to say.
Do relax. Feeling anxious can mess up your confidence and attention. Take deep breathes when you feel like you need to end the conversation because of fear or panic.
Don't feel that everything has to be resolved at one time.
Do listen carefully and avoid interrupting while the other person is talking.
Don't use offensive vocabularies and expressions. It is very disrespectful and cheapens you and the person you are talking to.
Do get to the point and be clear on what you want to get across or if you have any questions.
